necount, english

I knew that I wasn’t much of a performer but I didn’t know I would be so terrified. I was in the auditorium and it was my first solo performance in front of 50-60 people. It was the second to last day of performances so there was a chance my name isn't going to be called. I tried calming myself down and focused on the things I could touch and smell around me. I was playing with the ring on my pinky finger and could smell the cologne of my friend next to me. My friend tried reassuring me that if my name was called I would be fine and ace my performance but being me all I could do was overthink and have a billion things run through my head. “What if I muck up the keys, what if I get up there and forget my song?”

At last, four performers had done their song and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for my name to be called. Then it happened. Mrs Beer removed a name from the pink bucket and began to read out the next performer, it was my name for a second or two I just sat there in complete shock. I turned my head to my friend and he had the biggest grin on his face because he knew how scared I was. I could never describe how I was feeling it was just so many emotions at once fear, nauseous, panic and my heart felt like a herd of wildebeest running through open plains.

As I got up out of my seat my knees were weak but I still had to walk up to the stage which felt like miles. Getting closer and closer to the stage the feeling of panic grew bigger and bigger, I reached the stage and took the two steps up from the floor to the platform. I sat down on the chair behind the piano and took three deep breaths. I tried to calm myself by imagining I was just performing to one of my friends and not 40-60 people. It worked for a couple seconds then all the fear came back in one swift thought. The entire auditorium was silent and everyone was waiting for me to start. Finding my place on the piano my hands started shaking like an earthquake and the height of my fear was reached. Mrs Beer asked if I was ready and inside I was totally dying but I calmly said I was. Placing my hands in the piano I started to play, straight off the bat about five seconds into the song I mucked up but I played it off and kept going. I finally finished my song although it felt like forever I was filled with relief.

Sitting back in my seat I was traumatised, I couldn’t believe that I messed up my performance that many times. I was shaking still and felt more sick than before, I sunk into my seat and tried to reassure myself it wasn’t that bad but I knew it was. This was single handily the scariest thing I’ve had to do in school and I’m sure I won’t be doing it ever again.